Archive | October, 2013

More jokes about teachers and students

30 Oct

teacher jokes

Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?”
Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ….
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run …

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

One teacher said this to his students before the final test.
“A” is for God.
“B” is for me and my wife.
“C” is for the perfect student.
“D & F” are for all other students

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Advertisements

About the importance of being bilingual

30 Oct

bilingual

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, “Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!” The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, “You see, it pays to be bilingual!”

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual…A person who speaks three languages is trilingual…A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual. What is a person who speaks one language? An American.

The Perfect Son

30 Oct

son

Complete the joke using Present Simple

A: I have the perfect son.
B: …….. he smoke?
A: No, he …….. .
B: …….. he drink whiskey?
A: No, he ………
B: …….. he ever come home late?
A: No, he ………
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

 

Answer

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

What a difference a word makes!

29 Oct
Vain 

A vein

 A vice

 A vise

Holding undue high regard for oneself

A blood vessel or a mineral deposit

A negative habit

A tool with a closable jaw for holding objects

What a difference a word makes!

29 Oct
A team

 

To teem

 

A track

 

 

A tract

 

An organized group of people or animals

 

To abound in or have much or many of

 

A path or course taken; a mark left by a person, animal, or thing; or a measure of recorded input

 

An expanse of land or water

 

What a difference a word makes!

29 Oct
To pray

Prey

 

A prophecy

To prophesy

To speak to God or another deity

The victim of a predator; to victimize

 

A prediction or foretelling

To foretell

What a difference a letter makes!

29 Oct
To gild

Guild

 

To hear

Here

 

Heard

Herd

 

Hippie

Hippy

 

 

Hoarse

A horse

 

Holy

Holey

Wholly

 

To coat with a thin layer of gold

Being culpable for a crime or offense;  the word also refers to remorse

 

To detect sound through the ear

An adverb telling where

 

The past tense of to hear

A gathering of animals; to gather species into a group

 

The flower children of the 1960’s

One who has large hips

 

 

A condition of the throat that makes the voice husky

A four-footed animal with a mane and long tail

 

Sacred; it also refers to a divine power

Something  which is full of holes

Completely, entirely, or exclusively